It’s almost hard to talk about motherhood for a myriad of reasons.
I have never wanted to intuitively do well at anything in my life, while simultaneously having the daily realization that I will forever be learning and forced to adjust in order to be the best mother I can be to my children.
And that realization that you must always be willing to modify your thought process and behavior is scary but also what makes motherhood so dynamic.
While the core of who I am and my values remain the same, our children have the ability to make us constantly self-reflect and realize we have work to do.
So much of this is driven by our human nature to be selfish.
Where becoming a wife first put the selfishness mirror up to my face, becoming a mother was more like a resounding alarm that won’t shut off. Whether you like it or not, you can’t be selfish and serve your children properly. They can’t coexist.
But that is the best part. While we all hang on to our selfish desires, our Heavenly Father desires for us to relinquish those. We think we will lose ourselves, but it’s actually where we find our eternal purpose.
My children, although all below the age of 4, have brought out the best and the worst in me. And I am forever grateful for that.
Perhaps if I had not been pushed beyond my own perceptions and comfort to serve another who relies on me, I would not have encountered the opportunity to see some of the ugliness hiding in my heart.
As a follower of Yeshua who teaches us to walk in all the ways of His Father, the core of me wants to be pure and unblemished from the world.
I want to be able to love others with genuine unconditional love (agape) and receive it also.
But in our fallen world, this is impossible without the Ruach HaKodesh (holy spirit of YHWH) dwelling inside of us to purify us and make our intentions really pure.
Thankfully my children have played a big part in what I can see as Yah’s design in bringing these things about in all of us.
They have and continue to stretch me beyond what I could ever imagine, and I can see so much good fruit already produced from that.
I have many more thoughts on this matter – but this is the essence of how I view motherhood in my relatively short time on earth having the privilege of being a mother.
I don’t take this role lightly, and especially when I mess up I’m reminded just what an immense blessing I have been given.